tagging along with zoli and ry

last march in budapest

why i disagree with (polish) feminists

while i admire the suffragists of the break of XIX and XX centuries, who so courageously and with such unity fought for women's right to vote and run for office - and, in effect, won the right for all of us to speak up about issues that matter to us, i can't help being turned off by the contemporary feminist movement. here are a few of the many reasons why. most of these, of necessity, refer specifically to poland, but i think the underlying principles can be translated into many other milieus.


you say that polish schools educate young people for a patriarchal society where male domination is natural. yet, at the same time, you point out that teaching is considered a "feminine" profession and that boys (mysteriously) don't do as well academically as girls do.
allow me to shed some light on this seeming paradox. the school system, as you rightly note, is dominated by women. if you have ever seen a male teacher (and i've had a few), even in an administrative position, you might have noticed that those poor guys are for the most part completely dominated by the female community of teachers. what's worse, most women who teach in public schools seem to never have heard of the diversity of needs between boys and girls, as far as discipline and teaching methods go and naturally tend to tolerate or even reward, the girls' misbehavior, which they understand naturally. as a result, girls come across as better behaved (!) and more interested in academics than boys. also, this time from my teaching experience - it is extremely difficult to find any teaching materials suitable for boys. most literature (other than the classics, which have been gradually withdrawn from the curriculum) is feminine, uninteresting for boys. gadgets and toys that address boyish interests are much harder to find and offered in much poorer variety (notice in toy stores or paper stores, the proportion of pink, princessy-flowery items to non-violent boyish style items, like structures, vehicles, insects, dinosaurs, etc.) i'm more inclined to say that the school system teaches boys to be insecure and effeminate than dominating. on the other hand, it teaches girls that they are better and smarter than boys and therefore should dominate.


you want more women in "the public sphere" - preferably 50% of top positions in politics, business, and the academic world.
well. i have a few questions for you.
first off, legally and in all other ways, they have the right to be there. there are also legal ways of making sure that the law is kept. if you think those are inefficient, why not first go that way?
secondly, perhaps the reason there aren't as many women as you'd like to see in the "public sphere" is that women have other priorities and are not interested in entering "the public sphere"? you did answer to that and said research (what research - please quote?) showed that many women would like to participate in their local politics, but are discouraged by their male relatives. okay, so what are you doing to encourage them? are there any local women's groups set up where you discuss issues with women and help them build their confidence? (a shrug and silence for an answer)
thirdly, if you do manage to fill 50% of the highest positions in every sphere of public life with females, who do you suggest will fulfill their "traditional role"? there are two options: either they do both - and how do you imagine them doing either thing efficiently and not lose it? or they drop their "traditional role". in the second case, who will pick it up? the frustrated men who have been pushed out of their own game? (then, i guess, you would also have men bear children, right?)

you demand an unconditional right for women to have an abortion if they "find themselves" pregnant.
my question is - is pregnancy a virus you involuntarily catch? or perhaps a woman who "finds herself" pregnant has already made a choice? and - if you are so concerned with the well being of women in this area, what are you doing towards improving sex education among the polish youth? (no answer) and what are you doing towards reforming the dysfunctional polish adoption law? (silence)

just a couple of main issues, but it seems to me that your program has nothing to do with women's rights, but everything to do with your personal ambitions. it seems to me that you despise your womanhood and the role that comes with it, and in which women are irreplaceable (please note that child-raising and nurturing a family is more than changing diapers, cooking and cleaning) and envy men their apparent power. apparent, because a wise woman knows that she can make a man do anything without dominating him. if you put as much energy in building up women's self-esteem, awareness, and confidence, as you put into humiliating men, we'd all be in a much better shape. i mean, how many of the modern inventions that make our life easier have been invented by women...?

there's much more, but it'll have to wait till next time.

this time of year

it is the time of year, when on a beautiful day the world is sunny and foggy at the same time, grass sparkles with crunchy white frost, and cold air pinches your nose. all the other days are dark and sad, squished under thick leaden clouds, and people, hunched over to keep from the penetrating cold, rush to their cozy homes, where they will try to dispel seasonal depression with a warm bowl of soup. at such times, bear-style hibernation sounds like a really good idea.

november

the first real november day, in all its dreariness and empty, silent fields.

no sun - no moon

no morn - no noon

no dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day

no sky - no earthly view

no distance looking blue

(...)

no warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease

no comfortable feel in any member

no shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees

no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds...

november

(by thomas hood)

on a slightly different note

none of us like to think that our time is limited, but it is. these thoughts came with someone else's experience, who's looking the end in the face. this guy, let's call him bill, lives far away from his family, but among friends. he knows nothing of the eternal life of his soul, though his days on earth are numbered. his mother would like to take him home, but he won't go - in his mind going home equals dying. staying where he is won't extend his days, but it doesn't FEEL like dying, because his whole life is still around him... i tried to think of what that must be like. to know the end of all that you know, is near, but you have no idea when it will engulf you.

not a single normal human being wants to die, including those who think dying is just disappearing. what about dying being a passage into eternity? an unknown eternity to most? it's a hard thing and we don't like to think about hard things. like mondays, or hard homework assignments, or difficult decisions, or debt. we'd rather think about pleasant things, like friday afternoons, vacations in tropical countries (but block out the insects, disease, and social issues rampant in the places you visit), romance, chestnuts roasting on an open fire... except those nasty things we don't like won't disappear. they actually get worse, the longer we ignore them. eternity is coming, we just don't know when. how's yours looking? if there are lungs, there's air, and if there's fear of dying, there's a reason. and hey, how about turning the fear into a happy expectation? what would it do for bill to know he could choose his destination?

"

theory of time necessarily wasted

i'm sure other thinkers have thought of this, but i like to think of it as "my grandfather's theory of time necessarily wasted." what it comes down to is that there'll always be that traffic jam, those street riots, that teacher who's teaching me nothing, chain that falls off as i bike to work, neighbor, colleague or - worse yet - boss or relative, who talks too much and too long... all kinds of unwanted things to waste my time. the only thing i can predict about them is that one way or another, something will waste my time.
add to that all the time that is unnecessarily wasted and how can i get anything done?
"redeem the time for the days are evil..." with some liberty of application, the days are evil, because they are full of time-wasters, but time, apparently, is something i can get back... i can think whatever i choose to think. put that in your pipe and smoke it, time-wasters!

bike story

all i wanted was a bicycle.

it was spring, perfect biking weather, more and more cycle paths throughout the city. i'd searched, visited, looked, but, as life shows over and again, little money goes a short way. anyway. at long last, i found LOWERY, a cafe/art gallery/used bicycle shop in a pretty old part of town with a slightly bohemian feel. on that first visit, i met dominik, the hippy-looking proprietor, who made sure to show me every single bicycle and bicycle frame in the building. i even saw a fantastic century-old dutch city-bike, which was beyond the budget of my wildest dreams. then came an interview: style? purpose? color? riding position? extras? never expecting such a range of possibilities, my answers were, let's say, vague. the only thing i was certain of were the tight limits of my budget. no matter. we hopped into his rickety van with a pile of bicycles rattling in the back. a small garage two blocks away, then another, two blocks away from that one. i learned how to select a bicycle, heard bicycle stories, and was generally mesmerized by the guy's passion for those simple vehicles. we also went over the river, to a workshop where dominik's mechanic was zealously putting together, servicing, and adjusting bikes. plenty of frames there, too. finally it was agreed i'd decide which frame suited me best and call in to have it prepped for a test-ride. i chose an inconspicuous gray batavus, and soon was to meet my first wheeled dutchman. on the day of our appointment, the cafe was closed and deserted. well, i thought, maybe i'm just early, pulled out a book and made myself comfortable in an old living-room chair by the door. a biker rode past, a car lazily cruised by, some guy's golden retriever came to sniff my pants. "cute dog," i said. "funny she didn't bark at you. always barks at strangers at first. freaks people out." an hour later, the dog owner and i were near best friends, the cafe was still closed, and it was beginning to drizzle. "you guys waiting for judyta?" um, no, i'm waiting for dominik. and i'm just out with my dog. "oh, because she's showing me how to work the espresso machine." now three of us, an artsy-looking skinny girl, the dog owner, and i, in front of the closed cafe, in the drizzling rain, talking casually, another hour. a jim jarmush moment, you'd think. finally, judyta shows up, we go in. as nice a time as i'm having, i should really be going. daniel takes his dog home, comes back on his cool red bicycle, makes coffee for all of us. i try once more to contact dominik. he's been waiting for me at the workshop across the river. great. let's try again. trade phone numbers with my new friends, gotta go.

the following week, i finally visit the workshop, and for the first time try my bike. just a basic fit at this time, no gears, but rides like the wind. it's a love at first ride. i will pick it up in two weeks, from the cafe.

two weeks later, at the cafe. lots of people, the place buzzing with activity. artists, french-school students from across the street, random first-time visitors, regulars. they've run out of coffee, dominik's bringing more in a few minutes. half an hour and a chapter later, dominik pulls in on a rusty tandem with a bag of coffee, runs in with it, comes out with a cup of espresso resting on a glass of water, chats with everyone, discusses a new art show with an eccentric-looking old man, finally i get my turn. the bike's not ready yet, too much stuff going on. come back on tuesday.

on tuesday i get to enjoy the slow, small-town atmosphere at the cafe, dominik's got some extremely important errand, can't even make it. but we have a block party on saturday, you should come, it'll be great fun! wish i could, but i'll be out of town. i'm thinking, it's may, spring's passing me by and my phantom bicycle chase seems to be going nowhere... i call dominik. you know, it's a ton of work with the party, but call me monday. 

weekend out in the country, come monday, i call dominik. so can i come get my bike today? oh, the hopeful excitement! can't really do much right now, he says, i'm running from the police, read the news. i read the news. on saturday night, the police had cracked down on lowery for disturbing public peace by playing live music and eating food outside at 11pm. my bicycle mechanic was violently arrested, but escaped from the police car, and is now on a wanted list. i'm thinking, great. maybe i should start looking for a bike elsewhere. craigslist, where are you? my problem with things like craigslist is that i don't know enough about bicycles to tell what i'm buying. so it takes me a couple of days. suddenly, on wednesday, dominik calls. he's been exonerated and is now suing the police, needs money to pay the best lawyer in warsaw. six weeks, five new friends and a clash with police later, i get my bicycle. it's the coolest one in town, taylor-made for me, fits like a glove. it sure was worth the wait, i just wish people hadn't had to get hurt for me to finally get it...

a math problem with a social studies conclusion

Problem: 
Each dog poops 1-3 times every day. If there are 100 dogs in the neighborhood, how much dog poo is there after 1 week? 


Conclusion:
...?

ponderings on the point

people get it all backwards. repetitively and continually. all serious about this life, they take That One for a joke. no wonder they are stressed, depressed, and confused. i am, too, when i lose touch with reality: That Life is the one to be taken for real, and in this one only those things matter which reach through to That One. everything else may well be a joke.

i find more and more that stuff i see as The Point is almost always just a side effect, and what i take for side effects almost always turns out to be The Point. such a liberating experience, getting a glimpse of The Point.

what is and what might have been

here's a story a stranger told me on the train ride to berlin.

"the war in vietnam ended in 1973, but saigon fell in 1975. i was 5 years old and we lived in saigon, so our family were considered 'traitors' by the communists. when the communist army was approaching saigon, my parents decided to get out. everything was very secret, even my grandparents didn't know we were taking off. we left home in the middle of the night, dressed like clochards to avoid being noticed. my mom had paid a fortune to get us on a ship. we were lucky - there were thousands of people fleeing and many could afford no more than a seat on a dinghy. most of those people died at sea. our ship sailed across the south china sea seeking refuge at one harbor after another, but none of the countries would take us. i remember that the adults tried to damage the ship, so we wouldn't be sent away; once our own people even set fire to the vessel to force the country we had reached to receive us. sometimes they would make the women and children jump overboard... i remember being held by my mom as she jumped into the deep sea. we were fished out by the local coast guard (which was the point), but they soon returned us to our ship. we tried at singapore, brunei, and many other places. we were at sea for about a month, i think. i was little, so to me it was a great adventure, though i was often hungry or annoyed by the monotonous diet (we usually had to settle for a scoop of some indescript gray pulp made of rice.) my best memories are from brunei. the ship was damaged (again), and while the local government was having it repaired for us, we spent a week at the beach. we were dry, had fresh air, lots of space, and great food every day. it was like vacation! we were at last offered temporary asylum in indonesia. we stayed in a refugee camp there for about 6 months. there were lots of other kids and we passed our time playing games and sharing our exciting stories. germany was the first country to offer to receive us and my parents decided to take this first opportunity, though we hadn't been taught a lot of great things about that country. when we arrived, though, we found everyone very helpful, and the community did a lot for us. back in saigon, we had been rich - my grandfather owned a tire factory, and the whole family was well off. now my parents had to work in a factory and it was hard to make a living, but they said freedom was worth the sacrifice."
me: " do you think that experience still somehow affects your life?"
stranger: "yes. i often wonder what kind of life i would have now, had we stayed in saigon back then, or what kind of person i would be. it's almost like there are two of us, in two different worlds - this one and the one who might have been. that definitely affects my life."